Giving up

I have made a stupid mistake ever and now i'm stuck in it because i can't feel angry nor sad. How could i've betrayed myself. I'm not a loud spoken person, but i speak the truth. When this happens, i scared to speak the truth. How could you choose someone over me? I know you say you choose me, but i know deep down inside you felt differently. I've never felt so give up with myself until now. I just an option to people and i treat people so bad until people tends to walk away.