Giving up

I have made a stupid mistake ever and now i'm stuck in it because i can't feel angry nor sad. How could i've betrayed myself. I'm not a loud spoken person, but i speak the truth. When this happens, i scared to speak the truth. How could you choose someone over me? I know you say you choose me, but i know deep down inside you felt differently. I've never felt so give up with myself until now. I just an option to people and i treat people so bad until people tends to walk away. 

Again?!

Changed again my link for the third time-.-'. Yang penatnya kena bgtahu orang, aihhh laa. Semata sebab nak lari dari anas, eishh budak ni mana dia dapat ntah! Susah la nk blues2 kalau dia tahu, nanti takut kena bahan-_____-. Luckily, i sayang u pendek, kalau tak i dah hantar orang lenyek you. 

Syazatajul

Oh man. Anything can be done with make up. Nasib baik aku tak reti pakai make up, kalau tak dah jadi emma stone dah aku ni. Kbye

Syazatajul

Hari jadi bapak

Atuk beli kek untuk papa! Dalam ramai2 punya birthday, atuk beli untuk papa. Comel jee atuk ni la, ehee. Banyak atuk korban untuk papa, no wonder papa sayang atuk like ayah kandung. Ouh btw, my bapak is now 50 years old. Dah tua dh papa. Rasa macam papa baru je semalam 40 lebih. Semoga papa panjang umur, dimurahkan rezeki, sentiasa dapat keberkatan dari Allah swt, dan diberi kesihatan yang baik. Amin. Love you papa! You will always be my man! Hoping that my other half will have a bit of your personality, so that i will always  feel you close to me. 

The one and only

Found this. Then my mind brings me to him. I know i'm bad at making jokes, but he still laugh at it. I guess i found that 'someone'. The problem is i dont know if my 'someone' is my jodoh. He's too kind for me and i'm a sinner. Can a good person be with a sinner? May Allah forgive all my sin, and do not make my sin as a barrier to be with a good guy like him.

Rasa macam nak countdown setiap monthsary tapi nnti nampak macam beriya sangat. Takpe2 countdown dalam hati, nanti in sha Allah sampai anni dan jannah baru jerit kuat2 anni!, kuikuikui. It has been a while since i feel so in love. Takut juga, used to be so in love and we did not make it last, used to be so not care and also did not make it last, used to be 'biasa-biasa' and yeah did not last longer. Hmm tapi apa pun takdir kan? Dah takde jodoh. If anas is the one, aku memanjatkan rasa syukur kepada-Nya. My part is only pray for it. In sha Allah.

Dia lebih tahu apa yang tersurat lagi tersirat. 

Dah kenapa malam jumaat ni rasa nak blues2 sangat. Ahh rindu mungkin. Kbye

Syazatajul

alhamdulillah, i am still alive

Syukur i am 22 now. Syukur

1. to Allah swt for eveything, nikmat and rezeki yang melimpah ruah. alhamdulillah. syukur sangat. 

2. to my family that always behind my back. you guys will always be my number 2. i love you guys in any form and shape you are. you guys are my family plus my bestfriend. 

3. to the one and only, anas zakaria for coming into my life. we are still new but believe me when i already started to love you. thanks for the love and passion you shows to me, i hope it will last forever in sha Allah

4. to my beloved, daring and caring bestfriends. my forever supporters, my everything. losing you guys is same with losing half of my love life. loving you to enternity. 

syazatajul

20 november

Maybe part 2

Maybe I don't cry, but it hurts. 

Maybe I won't say, but I feel. 

Maybe I don't show, but I care.

Syaza

19 november 2013

Maybe

Maybe i have done something that is so wrong until i felt i have bean treated so wrong.

Maybe what i want to know is not what i want to know. 

Maybe i dont have many friend because i'm not a good friend

Maybe i'm quiet to people that i'm not comfortable with

Maybe i keep pushing people away because i want to be left alone

Maybe i was wrong and you were right, but what if maybe you were wrong? 

Maybe if you believe in me you wont say something that is not suppose to say? 

Maybe if you know me well, you know that i'm hurt by your statement 

Syaza 

17th november

holla!

    

      lama rasanya tak update blog. too long bro, too damn long ehehe. too busy with my own life, sampai rasa macam tak nak share hihihi. eishh ter- over pulaa ehehe. isu pelakon lelaki yang terkhilaf dengan emak dia tu makin hangat diperkatakan. kesian dia juga, tapi lagi kesian mak dia sebab walau apapun salah makayah kita even dia bukan seorang yang baik pun. kita kena hormat bukan? well for me, mungkin pelakon lelaki tu kena duduk balik dan fikir balik apa yang dia dah cakap tu. biarlah pasal pelakon tu, kita doakan semoga dia terbuka pintu hati dia. yang kutuk- mengutuk tu dan buka aib orang tu, hmm maybe you guys should stop la kan. jangan nanti kita mati, aib kita terbuka sebab kita  buka aib orang. mesti tak nak kan? so kita hanya boleh ambil pengajaran je. 

     

       well, i'm not said that i'm a good daughter. ada juga kekadang tu terkasar bahasa, buat my papa and umi kecil hati. eishh ada, apa pula takde. but i know, mostly yang gaduh tu memang my fault. i will never ever put the blame on them. memang la masa marah i put the blame on them, but then when i realised i went to them and ask for forgiveness. hmm berdosanya buat macam tu. manusia kan, selagi tak disedarkan sampai bila-bila pun kita akan rasa kita betul. just love your parents unconditionally. it is really wrong to love your parents with a condition. it is just not right. i thank to ALLAH swt for giving me my perfect family. maybe it is not perfect to others, but it is perfect to me. i'll try my best on my studies so that i can get a job to pay back what my papa and umi gave to me all this while. love you pa and mi. you guys are the best teacher, the best best friend, the best father and mother, the best counsellor , the best judge ever for me. may ALLAH ease everything for you guys and may you guys always in a good health. 

                                                                                                                                            with love,
                                                                                                                                            syazatajul

it's over

I’ve been so busy all this while. I wanna post all about my last semester activities especially on hiking that I went to gunung bujang melaka at kampar perak. It was so adventure for me. I never thought that I’m capable to do all those activities. Even though I cried most of time because it’s not my world, but hey I’ve succeed . you should give me some credit. Later on hiking, because I’m going to write about something else

I may not an angel, but trust me I’m not a devil. Yes, I did bad things before. Well not before maybe after this I’ll still do the bad things that’s forbidden by the Almighty. Humans is not perfect. I’m trying to be perfect all the time but I’m not a prophet. I am human and I do sin.

I’m sorry if I ever hurt you. From the bottom of my heart I’m really sorry. I feel so vulnerable right now. I 've lost a number of friends that I really love. They were the love of my life. Yes, I see the point where I should take the blame. But if people know me good enough, it’s not the mistake I want to make it worst but I just want to be the attention seeker. When I’m close with someone, I just want the attention. I don’t want to be the last, I don’t want to be the black sheep. I want to share everything and I want to know everything. But, if that  the reason why people feel annoying with me, well I guess I see the point of not be your friend. Yes I’m sad. Nay, I feel devastated because I never have a long relationship, and I never love someone same as I love my family. My parents even think they have a few numbers of not related childrens. When all this happen, I cried at night because I don’t want my parents to know but at some point I feel so bodoh. Dari aku lebamkan mata aku baik aku tidur. When I think about that, I’m heal. Ok kartun gila.

No, I’m not going to continue. This is just hurts me. i’m going to heal, but give me time. I still have my family. I cried for what kaklin said to me. I never thought she’s so caring. She always be my side when I’ve been involve in an argument. Thank brooo~ eheheh.

K , I’m out. I want to go to home now. This office is so cold, I can feel my hands freezing.

I hate it

You have no idea what i've been through.

1. I hate the part that i didn't get what i want because too busy helping others get what they want.
2. I hate being a good listener. When it comes to me, no one wants to listen to me.
3. I hate when people asking me to do something, but does not want to help me when i'm asking a favour

I just hate it and i feel so helpless

bila impian yang kita simpan dah lama, then tiba-tiba musnah rasa terkilan betul. i was expecting for something for my 21st birthday. nayyy, nak buat macam mana dah tak boleh kan. kbye

T____T

kita tak kacau awak pun, kenapa awak kacau kita ;(. jahatttt, benci betul. saje je musnahkan impian orang. tunggu lah nanti aku cari sugar daddy, ehhh! gurauuuu. puihh puihhh puiihhhh simpanggg. tu doa syaza-.-'. tahu umi aku cakap macam ni, cili satu tong kena kang. hmm takpela, malas layan kau ni. walaupun hati terluka still nak cakap, aku malas tengok kau nantiiii, malas tahu malassss!  T______T  kbye.

mula-mula lagu ni.

then kesini

astrid buat lagu bersiri ke? hihihihi. mula-mula bercinta, pastu curang lagu putus pula -.-'

btw, kena akuila lagu dia sedap kan. 

aim for the star

i dont like camera. in fact i dont even own one. ok fine, is it handphone's camera count? kalau termasuk, then i have one camera. but last week, masa pergi  ambil gambar whole family untuk hari konvo kaklong, i saw something that is soo adorable, so cute, and on and on and on. 

fujifilm instant camera. how cute right? righttt? 

i know i'm not going to get this from my parents as i'm not going to ask from them. malu la nak minta papa umi sekarang, banyak cekadak aku. takkan tetiba, pa nak ni. ambooooiiii, rosaknya perangai kaaan. i have this one big tabung bottle susu yg penuh dengan resit. ye tuan-tuan dan puan-puan. saya sedar yang kegunaan tabung adalah untuk mengisi duit, malah saya mengisi resit. how stupid this kind of attitude. 

ok starting from now, i'm going to save my money to get this baby boo. yes, i said the term of save. jangan pandang rendah dekat aku. rm1 sehari pun dikira menabung. 300 hari, dah dapat rm300. ahh tercapai la kan ehehe. yes, 300 days sound soooo long. mana tahu dapat rezeki terpijak ada orang derma rm1, jadi la sehari tu rm2 menyimpan. ahahaha, ok bye.  fine nak kutuk sekarang, kutuk la. tunggu 300 hari lagi T_____T.

btw, cha nana a.k.a farhana mustaffah happy birthda! i love you baby girllll. may Allah bless you in here and after and all your wishes comes true. see you in upcoming 2 weeks. i lovee youu b;)