Maybe

Maybe i have done something that is so wrong until i felt i have bean treated so wrong.

Maybe what i want to know is not what i want to know. 

Maybe i dont have many friend because i'm not a good friend

Maybe i'm quiet to people that i'm not comfortable with

Maybe i keep pushing people away because i want to be left alone

Maybe i was wrong and you were right, but what if maybe you were wrong? 

Maybe if you believe in me you wont say something that is not suppose to say? 

Maybe if you know me well, you know that i'm hurt by your statement 

Syaza 

17th november

holla!

    

      lama rasanya tak update blog. too long bro, too damn long ehehe. too busy with my own life, sampai rasa macam tak nak share hihihi. eishh ter- over pulaa ehehe. isu pelakon lelaki yang terkhilaf dengan emak dia tu makin hangat diperkatakan. kesian dia juga, tapi lagi kesian mak dia sebab walau apapun salah makayah kita even dia bukan seorang yang baik pun. kita kena hormat bukan? well for me, mungkin pelakon lelaki tu kena duduk balik dan fikir balik apa yang dia dah cakap tu. biarlah pasal pelakon tu, kita doakan semoga dia terbuka pintu hati dia. yang kutuk- mengutuk tu dan buka aib orang tu, hmm maybe you guys should stop la kan. jangan nanti kita mati, aib kita terbuka sebab kita  buka aib orang. mesti tak nak kan? so kita hanya boleh ambil pengajaran je. 

     

       well, i'm not said that i'm a good daughter. ada juga kekadang tu terkasar bahasa, buat my papa and umi kecil hati. eishh ada, apa pula takde. but i know, mostly yang gaduh tu memang my fault. i will never ever put the blame on them. memang la masa marah i put the blame on them, but then when i realised i went to them and ask for forgiveness. hmm berdosanya buat macam tu. manusia kan, selagi tak disedarkan sampai bila-bila pun kita akan rasa kita betul. just love your parents unconditionally. it is really wrong to love your parents with a condition. it is just not right. i thank to ALLAH swt for giving me my perfect family. maybe it is not perfect to others, but it is perfect to me. i'll try my best on my studies so that i can get a job to pay back what my papa and umi gave to me all this while. love you pa and mi. you guys are the best teacher, the best best friend, the best father and mother, the best counsellor , the best judge ever for me. may ALLAH ease everything for you guys and may you guys always in a good health. 

                                                                                                                                            with love,
                                                                                                                                            syazatajul

it's over

I’ve been so busy all this while. I wanna post all about my last semester activities especially on hiking that I went to gunung bujang melaka at kampar perak. It was so adventure for me. I never thought that I’m capable to do all those activities. Even though I cried most of time because it’s not my world, but hey I’ve succeed . you should give me some credit. Later on hiking, because I’m going to write about something else

I may not an angel, but trust me I’m not a devil. Yes, I did bad things before. Well not before maybe after this I’ll still do the bad things that’s forbidden by the Almighty. Humans is not perfect. I’m trying to be perfect all the time but I’m not a prophet. I am human and I do sin.

I’m sorry if I ever hurt you. From the bottom of my heart I’m really sorry. I feel so vulnerable right now. I 've lost a number of friends that I really love. They were the love of my life. Yes, I see the point where I should take the blame. But if people know me good enough, it’s not the mistake I want to make it worst but I just want to be the attention seeker. When I’m close with someone, I just want the attention. I don’t want to be the last, I don’t want to be the black sheep. I want to share everything and I want to know everything. But, if that  the reason why people feel annoying with me, well I guess I see the point of not be your friend. Yes I’m sad. Nay, I feel devastated because I never have a long relationship, and I never love someone same as I love my family. My parents even think they have a few numbers of not related childrens. When all this happen, I cried at night because I don’t want my parents to know but at some point I feel so bodoh. Dari aku lebamkan mata aku baik aku tidur. When I think about that, I’m heal. Ok kartun gila.

No, I’m not going to continue. This is just hurts me. i’m going to heal, but give me time. I still have my family. I cried for what kaklin said to me. I never thought she’s so caring. She always be my side when I’ve been involve in an argument. Thank brooo~ eheheh.

K , I’m out. I want to go to home now. This office is so cold, I can feel my hands freezing.

I hate it

You have no idea what i've been through.

1. I hate the part that i didn't get what i want because too busy helping others get what they want.
2. I hate being a good listener. When it comes to me, no one wants to listen to me.
3. I hate when people asking me to do something, but does not want to help me when i'm asking a favour

I just hate it and i feel so helpless

bila impian yang kita simpan dah lama, then tiba-tiba musnah rasa terkilan betul. i was expecting for something for my 21st birthday. nayyy, nak buat macam mana dah tak boleh kan. kbye

T____T

kita tak kacau awak pun, kenapa awak kacau kita ;(. jahatttt, benci betul. saje je musnahkan impian orang. tunggu lah nanti aku cari sugar daddy, ehhh! gurauuuu. puihh puihhh puiihhhh simpanggg. tu doa syaza-.-'. tahu umi aku cakap macam ni, cili satu tong kena kang. hmm takpela, malas layan kau ni. walaupun hati terluka still nak cakap, aku malas tengok kau nantiiii, malas tahu malassss!  T______T  kbye.

mula-mula lagu ni.

then kesini

astrid buat lagu bersiri ke? hihihihi. mula-mula bercinta, pastu curang lagu putus pula -.-'

btw, kena akuila lagu dia sedap kan. 

aim for the star

i dont like camera. in fact i dont even own one. ok fine, is it handphone's camera count? kalau termasuk, then i have one camera. but last week, masa pergi  ambil gambar whole family untuk hari konvo kaklong, i saw something that is soo adorable, so cute, and on and on and on. 

fujifilm instant camera. how cute right? righttt? 

i know i'm not going to get this from my parents as i'm not going to ask from them. malu la nak minta papa umi sekarang, banyak cekadak aku. takkan tetiba, pa nak ni. ambooooiiii, rosaknya perangai kaaan. i have this one big tabung bottle susu yg penuh dengan resit. ye tuan-tuan dan puan-puan. saya sedar yang kegunaan tabung adalah untuk mengisi duit, malah saya mengisi resit. how stupid this kind of attitude. 

ok starting from now, i'm going to save my money to get this baby boo. yes, i said the term of save. jangan pandang rendah dekat aku. rm1 sehari pun dikira menabung. 300 hari, dah dapat rm300. ahh tercapai la kan ehehe. yes, 300 days sound soooo long. mana tahu dapat rezeki terpijak ada orang derma rm1, jadi la sehari tu rm2 menyimpan. ahahaha, ok bye.  fine nak kutuk sekarang, kutuk la. tunggu 300 hari lagi T_____T.

btw, cha nana a.k.a farhana mustaffah happy birthda! i love you baby girllll. may Allah bless you in here and after and all your wishes comes true. see you in upcoming 2 weeks. i lovee youu b;)

time flies (2)

saw this in chanana's blog . 

see you guys on november . 

time flies

time flies so fast until i forgot that i've grown up.

first week as student againnnn

i start my first week with this

ada banyak lagi yang jadi. tak nak cerita lebih-lebih, nanti jadi apa yang tak diingini. buat masa ni biarlah rahsia. 

 ok bye. 

will miss you

apasal kuning semacam muka semua ni, macam demam kuning. this is gonna be the last memory, lepas ni 2,3 bulan lagi la jumpa. take care dekat kelantan cha nana. dan kau syifaa syahirah tak payah nak bersedih sangat, melaka saja pun. take care love:)

p/s: fana, balik jgn ada cincin dijari dan surat nikah palsu ;D

asalnya nak cari lagu ni

.

tapi ter'link' ke sini

   

 i was like, WHAT THE HELL LA MAN! kenapa kejam sangat? hmmm dunia sekarang ni jahat macam hantu kekadang. hantu pun boleh tunduk hormat lagi.

tamat fasa 1

dah lama tak update, tak ada hati pun nak update sebenarnya. bosan mungkin, hmm ok tak, perkataan yang lebih sesuai ialah malas. malas nak menaip. first practical dekat propel rawang dah tamat jumaat lepas. cepat betul masa berlalu, i'm really gonna miss all of them. dulu aku cakap nak bagi ulasan kan.

 ok ni ulasannya :

dekat sana sangat sangat sangat seronok. belum pernah la satu hari tu balik rumah dalam keadaan yang sedih ,frust dan seangkatan dengannya. setiap hari, macam2 ragam ada. tapi most of the time, ragam yang lawak la. dari segi ilmu pula, banyak la aku dapat dari dorang. orang yang berpengalaman kan, macam2 dorang tahu. apa yang aku dapat dengan dorang, tak mungkin aku akan dapat dalam kelas. pakcik rashid a.k.a papa, orang pertama yang aku rapat. suka menyakat, dan lawak. kedua pula, abg hafiz. sama je macam papa, boleh dikatakan anak buah papa ni. dan ketiga, en hamdan. bila dah nak habis tu baru mula rapat sebab en hamdan selalu berkepit dengan papa. yang lain ok juga tapi tak la serapat dorang ni yang aku berani buka mulut bercakap dan melawan. they are so freaking funny. bersyukur sangat dekat Dia kerana bagi peluang macam ni.

minggu ni last cuti, lepas ni masuk belajar balik. secara jujurnya, takde mood lagi. tak tahu mana nak cari mood yang hilang tu. fana yang aku harapkan dapat sambung shah alam, tak dapat buat pertukaran tu. sedih tu jangan cakap lah, baru ingat nak enjoy life dekat sana dengan dia tapi dah tak ada rezeki nak buat macam mana kan. teruskan je la kehidupan yang kekadang terasa kebosanannya bila kat sana. takpe, bukannya aku tak boleh hidup tanpa ada orang yang sentiasa dengan aku. i can be independent. pengalaman mengajar dan menampar aku untuk jadi matang dan berdiri di kaki sendiri. dah ni apakedehal ayat sedih ni. ok bye.

i'll pray for you

i dont have a lot of friends. 16 classmates, 4 of them is my housemate. it's not that i choose to not have a lot friends, it's just i still get trauma to have new friend. umi always said "jangan jadi timing badak" , lower my ego and have a lot of friends. my heart is not easily to be broken, but once it break it's hard to recover. at shah alam, i dont socialize too much. i went to classes, back from class, i stay at home, but for thursday night i went for swimming class with mirang. not like my other friends, they went for club's activity, enter a lot of competition and whatsoever. i want to be that way, like i said earlier, i still get trauma to meet new people. but thank to Him i still get 'kawan sekepala'. swimming class make us to be more closer. i still in the process of knowing her more. masih ada gaduh macam budak-budak. but if we can get through it all, that means we were meant to be real friend right? only Allah knows. as this new semester will start in few weeks come, i'm really hope for one of my 8 years best friend will be one of the uitm shah alam's. her name is farhana mustaffah. i have 7 bestfriend, but the most closes to me is 3 of them because they live at my neighborhood. but one of them already flew away to australia to further her studies. left with me the one that study in utem malacca and the other one is yeah farhana, waiting for her result application to change campus from machang to shah alam. we have been through thick and thin,good and bad times. she accept me for who i am. it's lie if i say that we never been in fight. tapi bila semakin besar ni, kalau gaduh pun hanya tahan 5 minit, but then we'll laughing back. but the most of time we'll laugh at someone mistake, the one that contribute to the fight. si banggang bangau la yang akan kena gelak. when i'm with my bestfriends, they will be the place that i'll pour my heart out after my family and place for lepas geram mengenai orang lain. the best part is, dorang tak terasa. thats why i'm so in love with my girlfriends. i dont want anything else, i just want my family and my 7 bestfriend to be always with me. thats it. it's ok if i dont have a lot of friend to hang out. family and girlfriends is all i need now. please pray for her to be able to change from machang to shah alam. but please dont get me wrong, not that i dont love my exisiting friend in shah alam. but if you know that you have the chance to be with your 8 YEARS bestfriend, siapa tak happy kan? the chance is still 50-50. i'll pray for you b ;). k bye. suka hati mak enon aku update blog dekat office.